Universal Soldier III: Unfinished Business (1999)

Film Title: Universal Soldier III: Unfinished Business
Released: December 1999 (UK video premier)
Directed by: Jeff Woolnough
Written by: Peter M. Lenkov
Starring: Matt Battaglia, Chandra West & Burt Reynolds

Plot: Following the events of Universal Soldier II: Brothers in Arms, Luc Deveraux & Veronica Roberts continue to try to bring those behind the Universal Soldier program to justice.

IMDb: 3.2/10
Rotten Tomatoes: 20/100
My Score: 1/5

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

Universal Soldier III: Unfinished Business, and its predecessor, Brothers in Arms, were produced together as a miniseries pilot for a proposed television series. That being the case, the same creative team was responsible for both and the results are comparable. Meaning, both are terrible. Upping the ante of the premise itself (dead servicemen reanimated and turned into nearly unstoppable super soldiers), Unfinished Business also introduces cloning into the mix, as Jeff Wincott, Matt Battaglia's brother and a failed UniSol candidate who was killed in the climax of the previous film, is grown from embryo to adult to be pitted against Battaglia. Possibly because of the nature of the film as a pilot, the plot has a disjointed feel, as if two episodes of the series were mashed together to make a feature length film. Battaglia continues the vacancy he displayed in the previous film and Burt Reynolds his fluctuating Irish accent. Richard McMillan takes more of a front seat in this one as the main UniSol scientist who sees himself as the father of Wincott's clone. Battaglia beats the bad guys in the end, of course, but the final moments reveal that there are UniSol sleeper agents in nearly every branch of the government, obviously setting the stage for the unproduced television series. Both Brothers in Arms and Unfinished Business are ignored by future entries into the franchise and are not considered canon.

Movies I Want to See: Coming Out Alive (1980)

A 1980 made-for-television Canadian thriller starring Helen Shaver and Michael Ironside, Coming Out Alive is the the story of woman whose son is kidnapped by her estranged husband. Frustrated with the lack of police action (since they are not divorced, they do not view the situation as a kidnapping), she becomes desperate to find her disabled child and eventually hires hitman Scott Hylands to find them. A plot twist at the end apparently lets Shaver know that not all is as it seems. Directed by Don McBrearty and written by John Kent Harrison, it was released on video in the US in 1984.

Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis (2005)

Film Title: Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis
Released: October 15, 2005 (US television premier)
Directed by: Ellory Elkayem
Written by: William Butler & Aaron Strongoni

Starring: John Keefe, Aimee-Lynn Chadwick, Cory Hardrict, Jana Kramer & Peter Coyote

Plot: A group of teenagers attempt to rescue one of their friends from a secret facility and unleash a hoard of zombies in the process.

IMDb: 3.2/10
Rotten Tomatoes: No score
My Score: 1.5/5

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

The fourth installment of the series, Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis attempts a return to the comedy/horror formula of the first two films but fails pretty miserably in all aspects. Poorly acted with a ridiculous script, from start to finish its hard to find any redeeming value in it. The effects are okay but nothing special and even Peter Coyote stinks up the screen. A teenager (Elvin Dandel) involved in a minor dirt bike accident is inexplicably taken to the Hybra Tech research facility code named Necropolis instead of the hospital. When his best friend (John Keefe) inquires about him at the hospital, he's told that his friend died due to a drug reaction in the ambulance. But the boy's ex-girlfriend (Jana Kramer), who works in the Hybra Tech security office (!?!?), sees him on a monitor being wheeled toward the research center so she knows he's not dead. What's a group of friends to do? Break into the facility, of course! Duh! Unbeknownst to the group, Keefe's uncle (Peter Coyote), guardian of him and his little brother following their parents death, is an evil scientist who works in the Necropolis facility with zombies. He travels to Chernobyl to buy the last known trioxin canisters from some Russians in the opening sequence. Oh yeah, Keefe's little brother, who seems to be eleven or twelve, is nicknamed Pyro because he builds flame throwers in the front room. I wish I was making this up. The sexy blonde of the group (Diana Munteanu) seduces one of the security guards with a terrible pick-up line ("Hey big boy, ever get your freak on with a triple-jointed, Sagitarian gymnast?") and then proceeds to have sex with him off camera as there is no nudity in the movie. After the group sets off a security alarm, Kramer accidentally releases all of the zombie subjects from their cells while trying to silence it. They also come across Coyote, who tells Keefe that his dead parents are in the bio-weapons division of the facility. When Keefe finds them, he discovers that they have been turned into zombie cyborg killing machines. You think the kids are going to have to fight them later? If you said yes, you'd be right because Coyote releases them for no apparent reason other than to watch zombie cyborg killing machines kill their own children. Ever see a zombie in a fist fight? No? Well after you've watched this movie you will have. Of course most of the kids end up dead by the end, including Pyro surprisingly, but then the SWAT team shows up to save the survivors from the zombie cyborgs with their tank. But not before Coyote escapes with some barrels of trioxin for the sequel. Its pretty funny to me that the best actor in the movie is not an actor at all. Right before the credits roll, award-winning anchorman Harold Greene delivers a newscast wrapping up the events of the film. Not being from Southern California where he spent most of his illustrious career, I didn't know who he was but was impressed because he acted and sounded like a real anchorman. Hey! There it is! Harold Greene is the one redeeming thing in the movie.

The Lego Movie (2014)

Film Title: The Lego Movie

Released: February 7, 2014

Directed by: Phil Lord & Christopher Miller

Written by: Phil Lord & Christopher Miller based on a story by Dan Hageman, Kevin Hageman, Phil Lord & Christopher Miller

Starring: Chris Pratt, Elizabeth Banks, Liam Neeson, Morgan Freeman & Will Farrell

Plot: An unexceptional construction worker is called upon to save the universe.

IMDb: 8.0/101

Rotten Tomatoes: 96/100

My Score: 5/5

Simply put, The Lego Movie is fantastic. From start to finish it is very difficult for me to find fault with the film. The voice acting, the script and the music are all amazing. Lord Business (Will Farrell) is a megalomaniac who is going to end the universe by using a relic called the Kragle to keep everything exactly the way he wants it. A group of master builders are the only thing that stands in his way. Emmett (Chris Pratt) is an ordinary construction worker who finds the mythical Piece of Resistance, the only thing that can stop the Kragle. Full of the humor that makes the Lego video games so much fun, the story is really so inventive and creative that its difficult to say much about it without giving away everything. Mark Mothersbaugh's electro heavy score fits perfectly with the frenetic action and the song "Everything is Awesome" is so delightfully cheesy, upbeat and catchy that it'll be stuck in your head for days. With the exception of the mysterious relics, everything is made from Lego pieces, including dust, smoke and water, lending a definite sense of authenticity to the whole affair. While everyone who lends a voice is superb, Liam Neeson really steals the show as the police officer henchman of Lord Business with a split personality. He is both Good Cop and Bad Cop, and his good cop voice is so terrible that it easily steals the show as the best of the bunch. That really says something when he is among a crowd that includes Elizabeth Banks, Morgan Freeman, Will Arnett, and Nick Offerman. Jonah Hill, Channing Tatum, Will Forte and Cobie Smulders also lend their voices in smaller supporting roles. Hopefully the Academy won't forget about this one during the Oscar race at the end of the year.

House on Haunted Hill (1999)

Film Title: House on Haunted Hill

Released: October 29, 1999

Directed by: William Malone

Written by: Dick Beebe based on a story by Robb White

Starring: Geoffrey Rush, Famke Janssen, Taye Diggs, Peter Gallagher, Chris Kattan, Ali Larter, & Bridgette Wilson

Plot: An eccentric tycoon offers $1,000,000 each to five strangers if they stay in a haunted house overnight and survive to tell the tale.

IMDb: 5.6/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 27/100

My Score: 2.5/5

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

House on Haunted Hill is an expanded remake of the 1959 William Castle classic of the same name. It was the first film from Dark Castle Entertainment, a production company started by Joel Silver, Robert Zemeckis and Gilbert Adler, with the intention to remake Castle's films for a new generation. Geoffrey Rush is an amusement park tycoon who throws a birthday party for his antagonistic wife Famke Janssen in a haunted house that used to be an insane asylum. Each of the five guests attending is offered $1,000,000 each if they can stay alive until morning. Needless to say, very few actually do. While the film pales when compared to the original, it succeeds in a number of places on its own merits. For instance, the opening scene with the fake elevator crash is a nice little freak out moment. The effects are high quality, too, but one would expect nothing less from KNB. The performances throughout are decent, with Rush and Janssen in constant competition to see who can chew up more scenery, but the standout performance for me was Chris Kattan as the overly nervous owner of the house. On the downside, the photography often becomes jarring and shaky with sweeping, tilting camera moves. I understand that this is supposed to correlate with the psychological state of the actors in the horrific scenes in which it occurs but its comes off as kitschy and is distracting. The major fail for me, though, was how the film takes the supernatural route. The first film worked so well because everything that happened was staged in order to cause panic among the guests for nefarious means. This version, however, retains most of the plot elements from the original, including the adulterous wife and her secret lover scheming to kill her husband, but in the end there is a darkness, an evil that actually exists and succeeds in killing just about everyone. This one deviation takes away the main element of what made the original so good. Musician Lisa Loeb, James Marsters and one of my favorite characters actors, Jeffery Combs, co-star. Peter Graves also briefly appears as himself hosting a television series called "Terrifying But True!!" At the 2000 Blockbuster Entertainment Awards, Taye Diggs won for Best Supporting Actor - Horror and Janssen was nominated for Best Supporting Actress - Horror.