Universal Soldier (1992)

Film Title: Universal Soldier
Released: July 10, 1992
Directed by: Roland Emmerich
Written by: Dean Devlin based on a story by Christopher Leitch & Richard Rothstein
Starring: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Dolph Lundgren & Ally Walker

Plot: The military has created a way to revive dead soldiers and turn them into perfect, unstoppable machines. Problems arise when a pair of Vietnam veterans begin to remember their lives from before they died.

IMDb: 5.9/10
Rotten Tomatoes: 19/100
My Score: 2.5/5

Universal Soldier is an 90's action film and it shows. Thin story, mediocre acting, cheesy dialogue and plenty of explosions are the order of the day in this one but at least there's enough action to keep it interesting when the plot fails to do so. Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren are a pair of soldiers who served together in Vietnam. Lundgren went crazy and killed a village full of innocents. Van Damme tried to stop him but they ended up killing each other. Present day, they have both been resurrected as Universal Soldiers, near perfect warriors of the American military who have their memories routinely wiped with drugs to keep them subservient. Problems arise when Van Damme starts regaining his memories and goes AWOL with chain smoking reporter Ally Walker, who's looking for a scoop on the whole operation. Lundgren gives the strongest performance of the principals, particularly once he also regains his memories. He's totally believable as the sociopathic sergeant who has mentally never come back from the war. Co-starring Leon Rippy, Ed O'Ross, Ralf Moeller, and Tiny Lister, Jerry Orbach also appears but in little more than a cameo as a doctor who was part of the original "UniSol" program. Ron Howard's father, Rance Howard, also appears as Van Damme's father. According to the film's Wikipedia page, Universal Soldier was a rejected script for Marvel Comics character Deathlok. The film spawned a franchise consisting of six films, only three of which are considered canon.

Meatballs 4 (1992)

Film Title: Meatballs 4
Also known as: Happy Campers, Summer Vacation (UK)
Released: March 6, 1992
Directed by: Bob Logan
Written by: Bob Logan
Starring: Corey Feldman, Jack Nance & Sarah Douglas

Plot: A struggling water ski camp lays it all on the line when the rival camp across the lake tries to take over.

IMDb: 2.8/10
Rotten Tomatoes: No score
My Score: 1/5

The final film in the franchise, Meatballs 4 started life as a film called Happy Campers but the name was changed just before release to tie into the well known series. Frequent David Lynch collaborator Jack Nance is the owner of a summer ski camp in dire financial straits. To revive his sagging attendance, he hires the hottest ski instructor around, Corey Feldman. Sarah Douglas is the evil owner of the rival, more prestigious camp across the lake. Filled with incredibly unfunny jokes and a tired plot, the film removes the more fantastic elements of the last two Meatballs films (aliens and ghosts) and replaces them with more T&A than all the other films combined. Unfortunately, the rampant nudity is the only thing of any value in the whole mess. J. Trevor Edmond, professional figure skater Deborah Tucker and Playboy Playmates Christy Thom, Monique Noel and Neriah Davis co-star.

Syngenor (1990)

Film Title: Syngenor
Released: October 3, 1990 (on video)
Directed by: George Elanjian, Jr.
Written by: Brent V. Friedman based on a story by Michael Carmody
Starring: Starr Andreef, Mitchell Laurance & David Gale

Plot: A creature known as syngenor, the SYNthesized GENetic ORganism, created to be the perfect soldier, causes chaos when it gets loose from the laboratory.

IMDb: 4.2/10
Rotten Tomatoes: No score
My Score: 2/5

The sequel to Scared to Death, Syngenor takes the monster from that movie but nothing else. Norton Cyberdyne developed the syngenor project to create a perfect soldier. When a conniving board member schemes to take over the company, she lets loose the creature to wreak havoc, killing its creator in the process. The scientist's niece (Starr Andreef) escapes the attack and with the help of a reporter (Mitchell Laurance), she sneaks into the company to find the truth. The script is an absolute disaster and the acting laughable but it all adds up to a so-bad-its-good sort of mess. David Gale delivers a fantastically over-the-top performance as the head of Norton Cyberdyne who gets more and more insane as each scene passes, injecting an unexplained bright green liquid into his neck throughout the movie as an apparent reference to his character from Re-Animator. There are also these fantastically horrible uniforms that the company's paramilitary troops wear that look like something out of a 1960's James Bond movie: bright blue work suits with metal shoulder guards and mining helmets! I kid you not. Co-starring Jeff Doucette and Lewis Arquette, father of David, Rosanna, Patricia and Alexis Arquette. Watch a trailer below or the whole movie here.

Movies I Want to See: Altman (2014)

An upcoming documentary that looks at the life and work of legendary director Robert Altman, featuring interviews with a bevy of Hollywood stars including Bruce Willis, Robin Williams and many, many more. Written by Len Blum and directed by Ron Mann, no release date has yet been set.

UPDATE: The film was screened at the TIFF Bell Lightbox in Toronto, Ontario, on August 1, 2014.

Uptown Girls (2003)

Film Title: Uptown Girls
Released: August 15, 2003
Directed by: Boaz Yakin
Written by: Julia Dahl, Lisa Davidowitz & Mo Ogrodnik based on a story by Allison Jacobs
Starring: Brittany Murphy & Dakota Fanning

Plot: When a free-spirited twenty-something who has everything loses it all, she goes to work as a nanny for high-strung 8 year old.

IMDb: 6.0/10
Rotten Tomatoes: 14/100
My Score: 2.5/5

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

Uptown Girls is an unfunny but sometimes touching comedy/drama from director Boaz Yakin. Brittany Murphy is the 22 year old daughter of a dead famous rock star who sadly has her entire fortune stolen from her be a corrupt business manager. This causes her to enter the work force and she gets a job as a nanny for germophobic, anal-retentive Dakota Fanning. Its an Odd Couple scenario with Murphy acting like the child and Fanning like the adult. The first half of the movie exploring this dynamic really falls flat and the characters just come off as obnoxious. Fanning enjoys giving the bird to people and Murphy manages to mangle almost every piece of responsibility she's given. It's not until the second, more dramatic portion, that the movie really comes together and starts hitting the right notes. Murphy starts to grow up, Fanning to loosen up and the two bond over the shared experience of losing their fathers at young ages (Murphy's parents died in a plane crash when she was around Fanning's age and Fanning's father is in a vegetative state on life support). Thrown into the mix are a number of extremely two dimensional, cliched characters that include Marley Shelton as Murphy's uptight best friend who has nothing in common with her, Donald Faison as her hard partying other best friend and Heather Locklear as Fanning's professionally driven but emotionally distant mother. Co-starring Jesse Spencer and Austin Pendleton, it also features cameos by actors Fisher Stevens and Carmen Electra, musicians Mark McGrath, Dave Navarro, Nas, and Duncan Shiek and choreographer Brian Friedman. Fanning was nominated for a Young Artist Award for Best Performance in a Feature Film by Leading Young Actress.

"History of the Modern Zombie" panel from Comic Con 2011 featuring Max Brooks

Watching The Return of the Living Dead got zombies on my brain and led me to this four part video series concerning the post-Night of the Living Dead zombie phenomenon from the site Zurvived.it. The panel not only includes writer Max Brooks but also neuroscientist Bradley Voytek among others. I found it pretty interesting.

Dark Tower (1989)

Film Title: Dark Tower
Also known as: Demons 7 (Japan) & The Curse V (bootleg title)
Released: March 29, 1989 (on video)
Directed by: Ken Wiederhorn & Freddie Francis (as Ken Barnett)
Written by: Robert J. Avrech, Ken Blackwell & Ken Wiederhorn
Starring: Michael Moriarty, Jenny Agutter & Theodore Bikel

Plot: An architect is being haunted in the new building that she has built.

IMDb: 4.1/10
Rotten Tomatoes: No score

My Score: 2/5

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

Filmed in 1987 but not released until two years later, just about everything in Dark Tower is terrible. Terrible editing, terrible photography and terrible acting by everyone. Its as if no one in the entire production cared about this piece. Hell, Michael Moriarty's name is even misspelled in the opening credits! The story itself isn't that bad and could have been developed a lot more successfully in the hands of someone with more talent than writer/director Ken Wiederhorn, who according to IMDb was replaced mid-production by Freddie Francis. Jenny Agutter is an architect who has just opened a new building in Barcelona, Spain. When a window washer plummets to his death while outside her window, Michael Moriarty is called in to investigate. Oh yeah, and Moriarty is kind of psychic. As the movie progresses, more and more events happen around Agutter leading Moriarty to deduce that she is being haunted by the ghost of her dead husband. This realization leads Moriarty to contact professor of parapsychology Theodore Bikel, who in turn contacts his friend the medium, Kevin McCarthy. During the final showdown its revealed that Agutter actually killed her husband and buried him in the concrete foundation of the building. Like I said before, the story, by Robert J. Avrech, isn't half bad, but the script, by Avrech, Wiederhorn and Ken Blackwell, is. Bikel whines about his life to the ghost, Moriarty's partner gets possessed and squeezes off eight shots from his six shot revolver in a failed attempt to kill Agutter (he literally hits everyone around her but leaves her unharmed), and Moriarty keeps having strange "psychic visions," most of which lead to nothing. The ghost also has the opportunity to kill Agutter on two separate occasions but allows her to escape both times without incident. Its just poorly constructed. Moriarty does this creepy voice over thing, too, every time he looks something up on his computer. It's bizarre. And there is this continually repeated shot of the elevator shaft with the car moving either up or down inserted over and over and over again. But at least there were no shots of Shock Waves in this one. Moriarty & Agutter are award winning actors and Bikel and McCarthy have both been nominated for Oscars but none of that acting prowess is on display here. I rated it a two for the story but really should be lower because everything else brings it so far down. I wasn't able to track down a trailer for this one but you can watch Jenny Agutter meet her end below or watch the full movie here.

Return of the Living Dead Part II (1988)

Film Title: Return of the Living Dead Part II
Released: January 15, 1988
Directed by: Ken Wiederhorn
Written by: Ken Wiederhorn
Starring: James Karen, Thom Matthews & Dana Ashbrook

Plot: When a military canister falls off of a transport truck, a group of kids accidentally open it and release a  mysterious gas that travels to the nearby graveyard. After that, the dead begin to rise from the grave, hungry for brains!

IMDb: 5.7/10
Rotten Tomatoes: 0/100
My Score: 1.5/5

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

Trying to capture the comedy/horror tone of its predecessor, Return of the Living Dead Part II fails miserably, and from what I can tell, its largely the fault of writer/director Ken Wiederhorn. The set ups are nearly identical: a canister containing a zombie is accidentally opened near a graveyard and the gas inside begins to raise the dead. The similarities don't stop there; far from it. James Karen and Thom Matthews are leads once again and their characters share similar fates. Wiederhorn believes this to be so hilarious that not only do Matthews and Karen repeat dialogue from the first film (Karen: "You better watch your tongue, boy, if you like this job." Matthews: "Like this job!?") but Matthews says to Karen, "Its like we've been here before! Its like I dreamed this whole thing! You, me, them!" (motioning to the zombies). Hell, Matthews' girlfriend, played by Suzanne Snyder, won't leave his side as he turns into a zombie, just like Beverly Randolph wouldn't in the first film. Wiederhorn did add his own special, and in my opinion, terrible touches, though. Like Karen removing a reanimated dismembered head out from inside of a bag and sticking his finger in between the chomping teeth, zombies transfixed by TV aerobics and zombies who joyride in stolen vehicles just for a few examples. I will say this, though; he does change up the scenery in this one. This time we visit suburbia, a hospital and a power plant...so that's something. There are more varying zombie effects this time out, but unfortunately quantity does not equal quality as they are inferior to those of the first film. And at least the army doesn't nuke the city this time around to contain the threat. Instead, the heroes zap the zombies with electricity to kill them, because everyone knows that electricity beats zombie in rock, paper, scissors. I'm also not alone in thinking this one is a stinker. Did you notice the 0/100 Rotten Tomatoes score? Puppeteer Allan Trautman reprises his role as the "Tarman" zombie released from the cannister, Mitch Pileggi has a small role as an army sergeant and Forrest J. Ackerman and Doug Benson appear as zombies. It was nominated for a Saturn Awards for Best Music and two Young Artist Awards: Best Young Actor in a Horror or Mystery Motion Picture (Michael Kenworthy) and Teenage Choice for Best Horror Motion Picture.

Meatballs III (1986)

Film Title: Meatballs III
Released: October 27, 1986
Directed by: George Mendeluk

Written by: Bradley Kresden, George Mendeluk & Michael Paseornek based on characters created by Janis Allen, Len Blum, Daniel Goldberg & Harold Ramis

Starring: Sally Kellerman & Patrick Dempsey

Plot: When a porn star dies but is refused admittance into heaven, she's given a second chance to earn her wings by coming back to earth as a ghost to help an awkward teenager with his love life.

IMDb: 3.2/10
Rotten Tomatoes: No score
My Score: 1/5

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

Keeping in line with the crazier aspects of the series perpetrated by it's predecessor (an alien at summer camp?), Meatballs III, subtitled Summer Job, stars Sally Kellerman as the ghost of porn star Roxy Dujour. She dies while filming a movie but isn't allowed into heaven because she hasn't done enough good deeds. She's given the chance to earn her way in by helping out a nerd with his love life. And not just any nerd, but Rudy, Chris Makepeace's character from the first Meatballs film, now an awkward, nerdy teenager. Rudy in this film is played by Patrick Dempsey in his first feature length starring role. Dempsey is the only one that can see Kellerman in her ghost form although she can still interact with her surrounding environment. When she gives him the requisite geek-to-chic makeover, there is a sequence of scenes where we see a row boat rowing itself as well as a number of floating objects including a pair of pants, condoms and shopping bags. There's even a mock sword fight inside of a barbershop between the barber and a floating comb. As if that wasn't bad enough, the jokes include a salami down the pants of Dempsey, a mop bucket full of urine, and such classic lines as, "...you're the only guy I know who could make love to a Cheerio and not break it." As the film progresses, Kellerman, doing her best impressions of famous blonde bombshells from the golden age of cinema, tries to get the romantically ignorant Dempsey to see what's really important in a relationship with a girl and, of course, succeeds by the end of the movie. The problem with the movie isn't so much the acting, which isn't that great, but the script full of unfunny jokes and cliches. Not even the copious amount of naked breasts displayed can save this drudge. Co-starring Shannon Tweed and Maury Chaykin, the movie also features uncredited roles for Caroline Rhea, in a so-quick-you-might-miss-it one-line part that is her first on-screen role, and legendary musician Ronnie Hawkins, as the singer in Mean Gene's bar.

The Return of the Living Dead (1985)

Film Title: The Return of the Living Dead
Released: August 16, 1985
Directed by: Dan O'Bannon
Written by: Dan O'Bannon, based on a story by Rudy Ricci, John A. Russo, & Russell Streiner
Starring: Clu Gulager, James Karen, Don Calfa & Thom Matthews

Plot: When a military canister breaks open and releases a  mysterious gas into the air, the dead begin to rise from the grave, hungry for brains!

IMDb: 7.3/10
Rotten Tomatoes: 90/100
My Score: 3/5

The movie that introduced specifically brain eating zombies, the Return of the Living Dead spawned a franchise that has so far spanned five films. The story centers around three men and a group of teenage punk rockers caught up in a tide of reanimated corpses. The overall performance of the ensemble cast isn't the greatest acting that you'll ever see but certainly isn't the worst, either. The soundtrack features such notable punk bands as the Damned, the Cramps, T.S.O.L., 45 Grave, and the Flesh Eaters as well as Roky Erickson and SSQ. After he and George Romero parted company after Night of the Living Dead, John Russo kept the rights to the name Living Dead for any future projects. Using the novel of the same name Russo had written as a basis, Tobe Hooper was set to direct the feature before backing out to direct Lifeforce instead. Brought in to polish the script, Dan O'Bannon was offered the director's chair and accepted, with his only stipulation being that he got to do some drastic rewrites to the script to distance the material from Romero's series. To that end, the finished product bears very little resemblance to Russo's novel or Romero's films and includes nudity (if only from one character), moments of slapstick and an overall more darkly comedic tone. The standout zombie effects are that of "Tarman," performed by puppeteer Allan Trautman, and "Half-Corpse," an animatronic puppet created and performed by Tony Gardner (read more about his impressive career here). It was nominated for four Saturn Awards: Best Horror Film, Best Actor (James Karen), Best Director (Dan O'Bannon) and Best Make-Up. Watch the trailer below or the full movie here.

Movies I Want to See: W.E.I.R.D. World (1995)

There is very little information regarding W.E.I.R.D. World, a failed television pilot from 1995 directed by William Malone. With a creative team that consisted of writer/producer A.L. Katz, co-producer F.A. Miller, writer/co-producer Scott Nimerfro, writer/co-executive producer Gilbert Adler, and executive producers Richard Donner, David Giler, Walter Hill, Joel Silver, and Robert Zemeckis, it seemed like this project was destined to go places. Not sure exactly what happened but needless to say it was not picked up for a series and has pretty much disappeared entirely. You can't even find a bootleg on the internet of this thing. According to Christopher Smith (reviewer jellyneckr on IMDb, the only one to review the movie on that site), the pilot bears similarities to the live-action Tales from the Crypt series. This can't be all that surprising since everybody I named a few sentences back were all part of the creative team for that show, too. Hell, even Malone wrote and directed an episode or two. They even adapted a story from Bill Gaines, co-creator and writer of the Tales from the Crypt comic book series, and co-editor/publisher of EC Comics and Mad Magazine. It seems to me that what the team was trying to do was capture the success of the Tales from the Crypt formula using science fiction rather than horror stories. The pilot stars Dana Ashbrook (from Twin Peaks), character actor Marshall Bell (Kuato from Total Recall), Kathryn Morris (of Cold Case), Gina Ravara (of The Closer), Jim True-Frost (of The Wire), Tony Cox (Marcus from Bad Santa), and Ed O'Niell. By the way, W.E.I.R.D. stands for the Wilson Emery Institute for Research and Development. These three clips are all I can find on YouTube.

The Incredible Petrified World (1957)

Film Title: The Incredible Petrified World
Released: April 1960
Directed by: Jerry Warren
Written by: John W. Steiner
Starring: John Carradine, Robert Clarke & Phyllis Coates

Plot: Four people plunge to the depths of the ocean when the cable of their experimental diving bell snaps but find themselves able to survive in a series underwater caverns.

IMDb: 3.0/10
Rotten Tomatoes: No score
My Score: 1/5

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

One of the bevy of B movies from the 1950's, The Incredible Petrified World is weaker than most. Nothing very exciting happens except for the underwater photography in that opens the feature depicting a squid fighting a shark. The sets, the acting, the script, there's not much that one could point to as good or redeeming. Except perhaps the caves themselves since they were filmed on location at Colossal Cave Mountain Park in Vail, AZ. Filled with cliches and plot points that make no sense, the story is a mess. It includes, among other things, a fourteen year shipwreck survivor the diving bell crew finds in the caves, the slapping of a hysterical woman to calm her down, entering and exiting the diving bell from a ladder leading out of the top (!!!) of the device, and giving coffee to a man to revive him after being deprived of oxygen. Not even John Carradine, who really is a supporting player and not a main character, can elevate this drudge. According to IMDb, the film went unreleased for years until it premiered with another Jerry Warren picture, Teenage Zombies, as part of a double feature. Phyllis Coates accepted the role of intrepid reporter Dale Marshall as a favor to Warren on the condition that it not be screened in California. After Warren never even paid her for starring in the film, he did indeed release it there, reportedly leading to an executive at Columbia Pictures telling Coates that the film was so bad that the studio would not hire her again. Watch the trailer below or the full movie here.

Creature (1985)

Film Title: Creature
Also known as: Titan Find (UK), Alien Creature (Norway)
Released: May 8, 1985
Directed by: William Malone
Written by: William Malone & Alan Reed
Starring: Stan Ivar, Wendy Schaal, Lyman Ward & Klaus Kinski

Plot: An expedition to Saturn's giant moon Titan uncovers that we are not alone in the universe! But the life form that has been sleeping there for 2,000 centuries is now awake, hungry and angry!

IMDb: 4.1/10
Rotten Tomatoes: No score
My Score: 2/5

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

One of the many Alien clones in the 1980's, Creature is really nothing special. Like Malone's first film, Scared to Death, this sophomore effort suffers from a lot of the same issues. Murky photography (pretty much everything that takes place off of the spaceship sets can't be seen), a bad script (human beings can survive in the atmosphere of Titan without the aid of environment suits! Who knew?) and some bad performances (a most of the cast is shaky from scene to scene) all weigh the film down. Starring Wendy Schaal, who would voice Francine Smith on American Dad! starting twenty years later, and Klaus Kinski, who not surprisingly gives the strongest performance of the ensemble. John Stinson & Michael Griswold, who each appeared in Scared to Death, have small roles as an astronaut and control room technician, respectively. Another tie to that film is the book that Schaal's character brings along for the voyage, the one that Diane Salinger salvages from the ship and hands her at the end. The cover, only fully seen in the last few moments of the movie, is the poster for Scared to Death. According to the movie's Wikipedia page, the film has fallen into public domain since its release, leading to several low quality VHS and DVD copies of the film. It was nominated for two Saturn Awards, Best Horror Movie and Best Special Effects. Watch a trailer below or the full film here.

Meatballs Part II (1984)

Film Title: Meatballs Part II
Released: July 27, 1984
Directed by: Ken Wiederhorn
Written by: Martin Kitrosser (story), Carol Watson (story) & Bruce Franklin Singer (screenplay)
Starring: Richard Mulligan, John Mengatti, Kim Richards, John Larroquette & Paul Reubens

Plot: The kids and counselors of Camp Sasquatch have to pull out all the stops if they're going to avert a hostile takeover by the military minded Camp Patton from across the lake!

IMDb: 3.4/10
Rotten Tomatoes: No score
My Score: 1/5

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

The sequel in-name-only Meatballs Part II has very little in common with the original except that it takes place in a summer camp and involves two rival camps fighting it out. The plot is thin, the jokes aren't funny and the characters range from ridiculous to offensive. An alcoholic French camp cook, a boy in an electric wheelchair who races the camp bus (and wins), the tough guy who becomes the nice guy to impress a girl, and a barely closeted stereotypical homosexual (complete with a full closet of women's clothing) are just a few of the characters we meet in this movie. Oh, and an alien. Really. An alien, whom no one notices throughout the whole film except a group of boys who find him in an outhouse. Here's a picture of him. They call him Meathead. Oh, and the big climactic final battle between the two camps? A boxing match where one of the contestants is in drag, literally flying through the air like Peter Pan in your mama's dress. I kinda wish I was making this up. John Mengatti from the White Shadow is the the tough guy, Kim Richards is the innocent girl he likes, Richard Mulligan is camp director Coach Giddy, Paul Reubens is the bus driving, deejaying, part time Hare Krishna boxing referee Albert, and John Laroquette is the cross dressing, hidden-in-plain-sight gay man, Lt. Foxglove. Child actors Jason Hervey and David Hollander co-star along with Archie Hahn, Donald Gibb and comedian Elayne Boosler (in a cameo as a camper's mother). And I almost forgot about Shock Waves! For the second time in as many of his films, director Ken Wiederhorn inserts portions of his freshman film for the characters here to watch. Can't say as I blame him as surely it stands as his strongest effort in his filmography. Here's a clip from the ridiculous final fight.

Eyes of a Stranger (1981)

Film Title: Eyes of a Stranger

Released: March 27, 1981
Directed by: Ken Wiederhorn
Written by: Eric L. Bloom & Ron Kurz (as Mark Jackson)
Starring: Lauren Tewes, Jennifer Jason Leigh & John DiSanti

Plot: A news anchor starts to believe that her neighbor is the serial killer that has been terrorizing the city!

IMDb Score: 5.8/10
Rotten Tomatoes Score: No score
My Score: 2/5

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

In Eyes of a Stranger, Lauren Tewes (of Love Boat fame) is Jane, a Miami news anchor caring for her deaf, blind and mute younger sister, Tracy, played by Jennifer Jason Leigh in her feature film debut. The afflictions are apparently psychosomatic. She has suffered from them since she was kidnapped, severely beaten and left for dead as a little girl, which Jane feels responsible for. Meanwhile, a serial killer is stalking women in the city, raping and beating them before killing them. Before he attacks them, he usually calls them on the telephone repeatedly, toying with them, making increasingly obscene comments and threats. Due to what happened to Tracy, Jane is deeply affected by the story. When Jane sees a man in the parking garage of her apartment building change his shirt and put on a belt as he's getting out of his car, she suddenly becomes very suspicious. No, really, that's what she has to go on. She suddenly becomes convinced that this man, whom she finds out is named Stanley Herbert (played by John DiSanti), is a killer then sets out to prove it. Of course she's right but it takes a little breaking and entering into his apartment in order to try to gather evidence of his guilt. He comes home while she's in his apartment, of course, and she escapes by hanging off his ten story balcony and jumping onto the balcony below his. She then gets his phone number and decides to call and try to terrorize him in the same sort of way in which he does his victims. In the era before caller ID or even *69, anonymous calls were easier to make, apparently. She snidely refers to him as a "phone freak" while talking to him on the telephone then uses the same phrase the next night while delivering an editorial on the killings. He's able to connect the dots immediately! What's any respectable serial killer/rapist do? Break into her apartment, of course, and when he does, he finds Tracy home alone and attacks her. But wait! What's this? The trauma of being attacked again is evidently strong enough to counteract the trauma of her being attacked before and suddenly Tracy can see and hear again! Enough to grab Jane's loaded gun and shoot her attacker, anyway. As Tracy goes into the bathroom to clean up in the aftermath, she sees herself for the first time in years and takes a few minutes to look herself over. This gives Herbert enough time to reappear and attack Tracy once more in the bathroom. But Jane comes home to save the day, using the gun that Tracy used earlier, to shoot Herbert right in the forehead. As they embrace, Jane is shocked but overjoyed to hear Tracy stammer out, "Jane," the first word she has said since before her incident. This film reunited director Ken Wiederhorn with several of his previous collaborators. Writer Ron Kurz (credited here again as Mark Jackson) and actors DiSanti, Ted Richert, Robert Small, Dan Fitzgerald, Herb Goldstein and Sonia Zomina all had roles in King Frat and actor Luke Halpin was in Shock Waves, Weiderhorn's debut film. Scenes from Shock Waves appear here on TV as a late night monster movie. Effects wizard Tom Savini did the special make up effects, most of which were toned down to receive an R rating upon release. In a little nod to his work, a poster for Dawn of the Dead is seen outside of a movie theater. There is really only one scene which really goes over the top with the violence, one where DiSanti decapitates a man with a meat cleaver in one swipe. Other than that, the violence is treated in a much more realistic manner. According to the film's Wikipedia page, it debuted at number one in its open weekend at the box office, earning nearly half ($546,724) of it's total revenue ($1.1 million) in the opening weekend alone. I wasn't able to track down a trailer but here's a scene from the film.

Scared to Death (1980)

Film Title: Scared to Death

Also Known As: The Aberdeen Experiment, Scared to Death: Syngenor
Released: November 1980 (Paris Festival of Fantastic Films)
Directed by: William Malone
Written by: William Malone & Robert Short
Starring: John Stinson

Plot: A killer is littering the streets of Los Angeles with dead bodies. An ex-cop turned novelist gets dragged into the investigation and discovers that the killer is actually the syngenor, the SYNthesized GENetic ORganism, that survives on human spinal fluid!

IMDb Score: 4.1/10
Rotten Tomatoes Score: No score
My Score: 1/5

Scared to Death is a low budget sci-fi/horror film from the early 1980's and writer/director William Malone's debut film. With the exception of John Stinson (who's only passable as alcoholic [but only when it suits the scene] ex-cop turned hack novelist) the rest of the cast are some of the worst actors I've ever seen, most of whom did little or nothing else after this film. The worst, in my opinion, is Toni Jannotta, playing a former lab assistant for the scientist who created the creature. A weak script, terribly murky photography and horrific acting add up to...well, you guessed it, a really bad movie. And not in a good, fun way, either. According the film's Wikipedia page, musician/actor Rick Springfield was going to star as the lead but called Malone the night before shooting was to start and backed out of the project. Apparently he would miss too many acting classes if he took the role. A sequel titled Syngenor was released in 1990 and Syngenor was used as an added subtitle to the Scared to Death DVD release to make the connection between the two films. It won a Saturn Award for Best Low-Budget film and a Fantafestival Award for Best Special Effects. Watch the trailer below or the full film here.

Movies I Want to See: Waar (2013)

Waar (an Urdu word which means "the strike"), is a 2013 Pakistani action film directed by Bilal Lashari, in his feature film debut, and written and produced by Hassan Waqas Rana. Lashari also served as cinematographer and editor as well as had a role in the movie. It is primarily an English language film, took approximately three years to make and is the highest grossing Pakistani film of all time, earning the equivalent of $1.2 million in the first thirteen days of release. I should point out that that the film was initially released only in Pakistan on 42 screens on the first day of the Muslim holiday Eid al-Adha. This is meager compared to American standards, which are generally in the thousands for wide-released films, but this is the widest release in Pakistani cinematic history. As of this writing, Waar holds an impressive 9.2/10 rating on IMDb based on 21,707 votes. A sequel, not surprisingly, is already in the works. Watch the mostly English trailer below.

The Green Hornet (2011)

Film Title: The Green Hornet
Released: January 14, 2011 (USA)
Directed by: Michel Gondry
Written by: Seth Rogen & Evan Goldberg, based on characters created by George W. Trendle & Fran Striker
Starring: Seth Rogen, Jay Chou, Cameron Diaz & Christoph Waltz

Plot: An irresponsible playboy becomes a masked vigilante with the help of his trusted partner.

IMDb: 5.9/10
Rotten Tomatoes: 43/100

My Score: 2/5

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

This big budget update of The Green Hornet, nearly 20 years in the making, could have and should have been better considering the talent assembled. Michel Gondry (who oddly enough was attached to direct this as his feature film debut in 1997 when it was at Universal) is an excellent director with a fantastic artistic eye that seems to be largely lacking in this film. The explosions and car chases belong in any number of top notch action films but his distinctive surrealism so prevalent in his earlier films like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and The Science of Sleep is reduced to strange shots of distance elongation that gives Jay Chou's Kato more space to do his thing during his fight scenes and one scene where Rogen's character puts together all the pieces of the story. Seth Rogen is generally a like-able character in his films. Even with his faults, you still care about and root for him in the end. Not so much with the character of Britt Reid. Britt is a playboy who doesn't care about anyone or anything but where the next party is. When his father (Tom Wilkinson) dies and leaves him his family owned and operated newspaper, the Daily Sentinel, little changes except that his father issues now bubble to the surface more prominently and he remains in this state for the majority of the movie. I understand the need for a story arc and character development but he goes from self absorbed to selfless in one scene three quarters of the way through the movie with no signs of his gradual change leading up to it. By the time he does actually start realizing that there is more to world than himself, you just don't care. Chou is decent as Kato and seeing him fight is a lot of fun despite the fact that there isn't one fight scene I can recall (except perhaps the "breakup" fight between Rogen & Chou) where the action wasn't augmented with special effects in one way or another. I have never been a fan of Cameron Diaz and her portrayal as Lenore Case, a 36 year old temp with a degree in journalism and a minor in criminology (can you say over qualified?) in this film has done nothing to alter my opinion. Christoph Waltz, on the other hand, steals the show in every scene he's in as a gangster named Chudnofsky. It seems Chudnofsky is going through something of a mid-life crisis. His introduction is a scene in which James Franco (in a cameo appearance) tells him that he's washed up, not scary and needs to retire. Danny Cleer (Franco's character) is the new dog in town. This starts a plot thread in which Chudnofsky begins doubting himself and his methods throughout the rest the of the film. He asks his victims and associates alike honestly and earnestly about his image and style, culminating with him deciding to change his name to Bloodnofsky because it sounds scarier. He even decides to start wearing red to stay within the blood motif. Despite the gun fights, car crashes and martial arts, there isn't too much over the top violence, so when Waltz meets his end by Chou stabbing him in the eyes simultaneously with two broken desk legs, it seems very out of place, especially when Waltz stumbles around for a few frames with one foot pieces of wood sticking out of his face looking like a character from a Bill Plympton cartoon. There are a few really good lines peppered throughout the movie but mostly the comedy is absent. Yet another Hollywood film that squandered the talent at its disposal. David Harbour, Edward James Olmos and Edward Furlong (in little more than a cameo as a meth lab cook) co-star. Hong Kong writer/director/actor Stephen Chow was originally attached to direct and star as Kato but ended up leaving the project due to creative differences. Nicholas Cage was also originally tapped to play the villain (whom imagined as a white Rastafarian) but also left the project due to creative differences. Several other people have been connected to the film during the nearly two decades it took to make it to the big screen. These include George Clooney, Greg Kinnear, Jason Scott Lee, Mark Wahlberg, Christopher McQuarrie, Kevin Smith, Jake Gyllenhaal and Jet Li. The film won two COLAs (California on Location Awards) and one ASCAP Film & Television Music Award. It was also nominated for a Saturn Award, a Taurus Award and two MTV Movie Awards.