Universal Soldier II: Brothers in Arms (1998)

Film Title: Universal Soldier II: Brothers in Arms
Released: September 27, 1998
Directed by: Jeff Woolnough
Written by: Peter M. Lenkov
Starring: Matt Battaglia, Chandra West, Jeff Wincott & Gary Busey

Plot: Luc Deveraux continues to cause problems for the secret Universal Soldier program, now a rogue organization.

IMDb: 2.8/10
Rotten Tomatoes: 0/100
My Score: 1/5

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

Universal Soldier II: Brothers in Arms, along with its sequel, Unfinished Business, were produced together as a miniseries pilot for a potential television series. Beginning immediately following the ending of Universal Soldier, Matt Battaglia and Chandra West take over the roles of Luc Deveraux and Veronica Roberts from Jean-Claude Van Damme and Ally Walker. After the events of the first film, the Universal Soldier program has been shut down by the US government, its funding ceased. In response, Burt Reynolds, a shadowy government figure (only seen clearly in the final moments of the movie) has taken the program rogue. Its now a mercenary organization operating out of a tanker in the Chicago Harbor led by bad guy Gary Busey. Thrown into the mix is Battaglia's older brother, Jeff Wincott, an unsuccessful UniSol candidate that West frees when she sneaks aboard the tanker. Right from the beginning, the musical selections don't fit any of the scenes they're inserted in to. Not that the music is bad but an R&B track for sneaking around the boat? Surf rock to accompany an incidental civilian character coming face to face with Busey and his gun-toting super soldiers?The use of the Blue Danube over an underwhelming slow-motion explosion is less than thrilling. Speaking of slow-motion, I don't think the movie goes more than five minutes without presenting something slowed down. The performances are weak all around, too. Reynolds has this weird Irish accent that comes and goes throughout the movie, Busey is trying so hard to be menacing that he comes of as ridiculous and Battaglia seems lost in every scene (whether this is in the script due to the memory erasing drugs the UniSol's are given or just bad acting, I'm not sure). All in all, the film is a mess, which probably why this and Unfinished Business are completely ignored by the future entries of the franchise. Richard McMillan co-stars as Dr. Walker, the main UniSol scientist. Below is the title sequence, a truncated re-shoot of the climax of Universal Soldier with Battaglia and West in place of Van Damme and Walker.

Return of the Living Dead III (1993)

Film Title: Return of the Living Dead III
Released: August 1993 (Fantasy Filmfest)
Directed by: Brian Yuzna
Written by: John Penney
Starring: Melinda Clark & J. Trevor Edmond

Plot: When a teenage couple sneak into a military base, they witness a top secret test that brings the dead back to life. After they get into a motorcycle accident that kills the girl, the boy brings her back using the same process.

IMDb: 5.9/10
Rotten Tomatoes: 44/100
My Score: 3/5

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

Return of the Living Dead III is a return to form for the series after the dismal Return of the Living Dead Part II. The drop dead (pun intended) gorgeous Melinda Clark (billed as Mindy Clark) and her boyfriend, J. Trevor Howard, sneak into the military base where Howard's father (Kent McCord) works as head of a secret project researching the chemical trioxin, a gas that reanimates the dead. After they watch a test in action, they are involved in a motorcycle accident in which Clark dies. Distraught, Howard breaks back into the base and revives her using the gas. After they make their escape, they go on the run but their problems only escalate as she slowly tuns into a brain-craving eating machine. Unique to this entry is the device of using self-inflicted pain as a way to curb the zombie appetite. Clark utilizes this technique throughout the film, culminating in the look from movie's poster. The picture ends up falling apart in the third act with a logic-defying zombie escape back at the base that sacrifices plot for effects. Most of the actors are less than spectacular but the weaker aspects of the film are buoyed by a great performance from Clark, the really nice make-up effects and some surprisingly touching moments between the leads. Recalling James Karen's similar decision from Return of the Living Dead, the young lovers burn themselves in an incinerator after Howard gets bitten by zombie while protecting Clark in the climax. James T. Callahan, Sarah Douglas, Mike Moroff, Basil Wallace and Playboy Playmate Pia Reyes co-star. Clark won the Fangoria Chainsaw Award for Best Actress and the movie won the Silver Scream Award at the Amsterdam Fantastic Film Festival and the Audience Award at the Gérardmer Film Festival.

Movies I Want to See: Foxy Lady (1971)

Ivan Reitman's directorial debut (which he also produced and edited), Foxy Lady, is another one of the those films that I just can't seem to find a whole lot of info on. The movie's IMDb and Wikipedia pages don't really help so I had to glean info from other sources, mainly a synopsis written by Clarke Fountain for Rovi (a company that provides metadata for cable and satellite providers among many other things) that I found on The New York Times website. It's a romantic comedy based on the myth of Hero and Leander where the gender roles are reversed. In the original Greek story, Hero is an Aphrodite priestess who lives in Sestos and Leander, a young man from Abydos who falls in love with her. They live on opposite sides of the Hellespont, a strait connecting the Sea of Marmara with the Aegean Sea in northwest Turkey. Leander would swim across the strait every night to be with Hero and she would light a lamp in the top of the tower where she lived to guide his way. Eventually, Leander wooed his way into having sex with Hero and they enjoyed the remainder of the summer months in happiness. But on one stormy winter's night, the high winds blew out Hero's guiding light and Leander was lost in the waters and drowned. When Hero found Leander dead, she threw herself off the top her tower to the rocks below to join her beloved in death. In the film, Hero (Alan Gordon) is a super nice guy who can't help but to lend a hand to those in need and Leander (Sylvia Feigel) is the "richest girl in the world." Its a romantic comedy so guess what happens? They fall in love and get married! Written by Robert Sandler and Matt Seigel, this is Eugene Levy's first film appearance and he co-stars with Art Hindle and future fellow SCTV alum Andrea Martin. And how about this for obscure? I can't find any clips or a trailer for this movie anywhere on the internet!

How to Deal (2003)

Film Title: How to Deal

Released: July 18, 1993

Directed by: Clare Kilner

Written by: Neena Beber based on the novels Someone Like You & That Summer by Sarah Dessen

Starring: Mandy Moore, Trent Ford & Allison Janney

Plot: A romantically jaded teen is forced to reevaluate her views when she meets a guy she starts to fall for.

IMDb: 5.6/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 28/100

My Score: 2/5

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

How to Deal has a lot a going for it: a good cast, a good soundtrack and good source material (the Sarah Dessen books That Summer and Someone Like You were both American Library Association selections for "Best Fiction for Young Adults"). Unfortunately, the sum is not greater than the parts. Mostly the issues I have are with the script because there are too many plot threads going on to weave a cohesive narrative. Mandy Moore is a teen with a bleak outlook on love stemming from her parent's divorce. She meets Trent Ford and has to rethink her fatalist philosophy when he sparks romantic desires in her. Alexandra Holden, Moore's best friend, was dating Ford's best friend (John White) when he died on the soccer field of a congenital heart defect. After the funeral, she finds out she is pregnant with his child. Allison Janney is Moore's embittered divorcee mother who finds her second chance at love in new beau Dylan Baker. Moore's older sister, Mary Catherine Garrison, is busy planning her wedding to Mackenzie Astin and dealing with all of the stresses related to that event. And if all that wasn't enough, Moore's father, Peter Gallagher, elopes with the younger woman he left Janney for. With so much going on, the script doesn't stay with any one thread for too long, giving the movie a disjointed feel. Its as if the movie is actually pieced together from episodes of a teen soap opera instead of being a stand alone narrative. The soundtrack includes John Mayer, the Donnas, Liz Phair, Beth Orton and Cat Stevens but the highlight for me is the Flaming Lips track "Do You Realize??," a personal favorite, appropriately played by Ford at White's funeral. Co-starring Nina Foch as Moore's marijuana smoking grandmother and Connie Ray as Holden's disapproving mother. Watch the trailer below or the full film here.

A House in the Hills (1993)

Film Title: A House in the Hills
Released: October 1, 1993 (video premiere)
Directed by: Ken Wiederhorn
Written by: Miguel Tejada-Flores & Ken Wiederhorn
Starring: Michael Madsen, Helen Slater & Jeffrey Tambor

Plot: A housesitter gets taken hostage in the home of a wealthy couple who have gone away for the weekend.

IMDb: 5.7/10
Rotten Tomatoes: No score
My Score: 2.5/5

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

A House in the Hills wasn't nearly as bad as I was expecting it to be. Not that its particularly good, mind you, it just isn't terrible, which is quite the compliment for a Ken Wiederhorn film. Its certainly his best since his freshman effort, Shock Waves. There are some story problems but also enough twists and turns to keep it interesting. Helen Slater is a struggling actress who takes a weekend job as a housesitter for a wealthy couple for a little extra money. Michael Madsen gains entry by impersonating an exterminator then takes her hostage, awaiting the return of the owners. As the weekend progresses, the dynamic of the relationship changes several times, leading to them becoming romantically involved. Madsen and Slater have pretty good chemistry even if there is no reason for them to have sex other than the script says they should. Added into the mix is Jeffrey Tambor, a new neighbor and unhinged killer who attacks Slater, thinking that she is the adulterous lady of the house. Mistaken identity, double crosses and the fact that no one is free of guilt by the end all give a nice film noir feel to the movie, which certainly helped me get more enjoyment from it. Co-starring James Laurenson and Elyssa Davalos as the couple who own the house. Watch the trailer below or the full film here.