R.I.P.D. (2013)

Film Title: R.I.P.D.
Released: July 17, 2013 (Iceland)
Directed by: Robert Schwentke
Written by: Phil Hay & Matt Manfredi (screenplay), based on a story by David Dobkin, Phil Hay & Matt Manfredi, based on the Dark Horse comic created by Peter M. Lenkov
Starring: Jeff Bridges, Ryan Reynolds & Kevin Bacon

Plot: A cop killed by his partner joins the ranks of the Rest in Peace Department, an undead police force tasked with tracking down escaped souls.

IMDb: 5.6/10
Rotten Tomatoes: 13/100
My Score: 2/5

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

R.I.P.D. is an effects heavy 2013 adaption of a Dark Horse comic book series of the same name. Nick (Ryan Reynolds) is not so much a dirty cop as he his a guy just trying to give his bride some piece of mind and a guarantee of future security. When he gets squeamish over taking some undocumented gold after a bust and decides to back out, his partner Hayes (Kevin Bacon) kills him. Instead of heading off to Hell, Nick's soul is intercepted by the Rest in Peace Department and he is given a choice: work for the R.I.P.D. and maybe be able to get to Heaven, or take the express route down. Nick is saddled with former wild west sheriff Roy (Jeff Bridges) and they stumble across a conspiracy concerning the gold at the heart of Nick's murder. Like many movies who focus on effects rather than coherent story, R.I.P.D. is a mess of shallow characters and whose plot doesn't make a whole lot of sense. There are some inspired moments, though. R.I.P.D. officers have avatars when working the streets of the living so as not to be recognized in any way by those they may have left behind. Nick is seen as an old Chinese man (James Hong) and Roy as a gorgeous blonde (Victoria's Secret model Marisa Miller) who is continually hit on by men. Instead of a gun, living people see Nick's avatar wielding a banana. Unfortunately, these high points are few and far between. Bridges as the out-of-time-and-place lawman Roy seemed forced and a caricature instead of a character. Bacon comes across as flat and the normally reliable Reynolds has very little to work with. I cringed when Nick told Roy he hoped the coyote who had made love to Roy's skull after he died had gotten both eye sockets. Who thinks this is funny? And if the gold that Nick and Hayes split was to be used to build a machine to close the soul portal and allow all the dead souls to stay on Earth, why did Hayes allow Nick to take any of it to begin with? It doesn't matter 'cause look at all the weird looking dead people and the whirly killer vortexes that appear for no reason and disappear just as suddenly. Don't they look cool? Mary-Louise Parker co-stars as Proctor, Nick and Roy's boss who was once romantically involved with Roy. Their antagonist relationship goes from tiresome "chief-yells-at-hero-cop-for-not-following-the-rules" to downright creepy in the final scene. Stephanie Szostak adds some heart as Nick's pretty wife struggling with her husband's death but the uneven script leaves the big emotional scenes feeling contrived. Not much here to recommend repeat viewings. Director Robert Schwentke has directed another comic book adaption, RED starring Bruce Willis and Parker, and has been given the reigns of the Divergent series, directing the sequels Insurgent and the upcoming (as of this writing) Allegiant: Part 1. Writing partners Phil Hay and Matt Manfredi penned the live-action adaptation of Aeon Flux and the remake of Clash of the Titans. David Dobkin directed the Owen Wilson/Vince Vaughn vehicle Wedding Crashers and The Judge starring Robert Downey, Jr. and Robert Duvall, who was nominated for an Oscar for his role. Peter M. Lenkov developed the Hawaii Five-0 TV reboot with Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci and co-wrote Demolition Man starring Sylvester Stallone and Wesley Snipes.

Universal Soldier III: Unfinished Business (1999)

Film Title: Universal Soldier III: Unfinished Business
Released: December 1999 (UK video premier)
Directed by: Jeff Woolnough
Written by: Peter M. Lenkov
Starring: Matt Battaglia, Chandra West & Burt Reynolds

Plot: Following the events of Universal Soldier II: Brothers in Arms, Luc Deveraux & Veronica Roberts continue to try to bring those behind the Universal Soldier program to justice.

IMDb: 3.2/10
Rotten Tomatoes: 20/100
My Score: 1/5

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

Universal Soldier III: Unfinished Business, and its predecessor, Brothers in Arms, were produced together as a miniseries pilot for a proposed television series. That being the case, the same creative team was responsible for both and the results are comparable. Meaning, both are terrible. Upping the ante of the premise itself (dead servicemen reanimated and turned into nearly unstoppable super soldiers), Unfinished Business also introduces cloning into the mix, as Jeff Wincott, Matt Battaglia's brother and a failed UniSol candidate who was killed in the climax of the previous film, is grown from embryo to adult to be pitted against Battaglia. Possibly because of the nature of the film as a pilot, the plot has a disjointed feel, as if two episodes of the series were mashed together to make a feature length film. Battaglia continues the vacancy he displayed in the previous film and Burt Reynolds his fluctuating Irish accent. Richard McMillan takes more of a front seat in this one as the main UniSol scientist who sees himself as the father of Wincott's clone. Battaglia beats the bad guys in the end, of course, but the final moments reveal that there are UniSol sleeper agents in nearly every branch of the government, obviously setting the stage for the unproduced television series. Both Brothers in Arms and Unfinished Business are ignored by future entries into the franchise and are not considered canon.

Universal Soldier II: Brothers in Arms (1998)

Film Title: Universal Soldier II: Brothers in Arms
Released: September 27, 1998
Directed by: Jeff Woolnough
Written by: Peter M. Lenkov
Starring: Matt Battaglia, Chandra West, Jeff Wincott & Gary Busey

Plot: Luc Deveraux continues to cause problems for the secret Universal Soldier program, now a rogue organization.

IMDb: 2.8/10
Rotten Tomatoes: 0/100
My Score: 1/5

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

Universal Soldier II: Brothers in Arms, along with its sequel, Unfinished Business, were produced together as a miniseries pilot for a potential television series. Beginning immediately following the ending of Universal Soldier, Matt Battaglia and Chandra West take over the roles of Luc Deveraux and Veronica Roberts from Jean-Claude Van Damme and Ally Walker. After the events of the first film, the Universal Soldier program has been shut down by the US government, its funding ceased. In response, Burt Reynolds, a shadowy government figure (only seen clearly in the final moments of the movie) has taken the program rogue. Its now a mercenary organization operating out of a tanker in the Chicago Harbor led by bad guy Gary Busey. Thrown into the mix is Battaglia's older brother, Jeff Wincott, an unsuccessful UniSol candidate that West frees when she sneaks aboard the tanker. Right from the beginning, the musical selections don't fit any of the scenes they're inserted in to. Not that the music is bad but an R&B track for sneaking around the boat? Surf rock to accompany an incidental civilian character coming face to face with Busey and his gun-toting super soldiers?The use of the Blue Danube over an underwhelming slow-motion explosion is less than thrilling. Speaking of slow-motion, I don't think the movie goes more than five minutes without presenting something slowed down. The performances are weak all around, too. Reynolds has this weird Irish accent that comes and goes throughout the movie, Busey is trying so hard to be menacing that he comes of as ridiculous and Battaglia seems lost in every scene (whether this is in the script due to the memory erasing drugs the UniSol's are given or just bad acting, I'm not sure). All in all, the film is a mess, which probably why this and Unfinished Business are completely ignored by the future entries of the franchise. Richard McMillan co-stars as Dr. Walker, the main UniSol scientist. Below is the title sequence, a truncated re-shoot of the climax of Universal Soldier with Battaglia and West in place of Van Damme and Walker.